For years, I couldn’t name it because the truth hurt too much: I was on the receiving end of chronic emotional abuse from a senior leader at work.
The damage cut deep. The recovery was long. And the toll wasn’t limited to my career—it seeped into my personal relationships too. The way I allowed myself to be treated at work became the same standard I unconsciously accepted in love and friendship: far below kindness, respect, and reciprocity.
Today, I’m passionate about being a truth-teller, no matter the cost. I speak up not just for myself now, but for the version of me who once stayed silent—too scared of the financial consequences, the reputation risk, or the loss of opportunity.
If you’ve ever wondered whether what you’re experiencing “counts” as emotional abuse, here are some subtle warning signs I wish I had recognized sooner:
Chronic Criticism or Micro-Criticism
Frequent nitpicks or “helpful” feedback that consistently leaves you feeling diminished.Dismissal of Emotions or Experiences
Your feelings, ideas, or experiences are minimized, invalidated, or mocked.Verbal Lashing / Harsh Tone
Anger, blame, or harsh words used to control—even over minor issues.Gaslighting
You’re made to question your memory, perception, or feelings.Control Through Words or Energy
Pressure, guilt, or subtle manipulation that leaves you walking on eggshells.Lack of Accountability
Hurtful patterns are denied or minimized, with little real effort to change.Imbalance in Emotional Safety
You can be vulnerable, but only on their terms—and never fully at ease.Cycle of Tension and Reconciliation
Warmth followed by sudden harshness, leaving you confused but hopeful things will change.
💡 Key takeaway: Emotional abuse isn’t always loud or obvious. It’s often the subtle patterns over time—and their impact on your sense of safety, trust, and self-worth. If you feel “energetically beaten” after interactions, that’s a sign your boundaries have been crossed. Your intuition is valid.
👉 If you’ve been on the receiving end of subtle (or not-so-subtle) emotional abuse and want to reclaim your voice, your confidence, and your sense of self, please reach out. I’m very passionate about this work, and you don’t have to face it alone.
💭 For all of us, a question worth reflecting on: What does healthy leadership look like to you?
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Written by Heather Kuhnheim, Founder of A Project Called Life